Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize