I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. π¦
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and βwhat the hell is wrong with youβ
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