Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
