Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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