No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
