Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
