mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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