I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize