i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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