Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
