I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
