ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize