i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
love makes seman taste better
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
