i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
