she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
