So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
