I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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