shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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