Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
