woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Pants are for mortals
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
