Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize