The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
