Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
