you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
