You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
