the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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