Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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