took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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