Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
