weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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