Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
