What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
