a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
