I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
