Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
