The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
