its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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