Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
