He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
