Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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