Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
