DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
