There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize