fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
