I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
