I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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