you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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