Is it normal to miss your booty call?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
