I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
