Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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