it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Text me some of your sweat
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
