My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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