I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
