While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
