checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
