he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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