there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
