I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
