The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
