she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
