you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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