there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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