He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I love you. Go after that dick
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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