You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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