everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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