we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
