Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
